The Blame Game

Ray's Blog

Marriage is not for the faint of heart. It is heavenly when a couple lives in peace and harmony.

But when heaven comes crashing back to earth, couples find themselves playing a variety of survival games.

One that I am quite familiar with is the blame game. The game goes something like this: if only he would get his act together; or if only she would get her act together, we would have a better marriage.

What’s wrong with that approach? Well, we cannot forget that whenever a relationship breaks down, both people contributed to the breakdown.

This game is toxic and eventually, destroys the quality of the marriage.

In my pastoral work, I often meet with couples trapped in this game. One of the ways I help couples end this vicious game is to have them “look in the mirror.”

By looking in the mirror, or examining your role in the struggle, you take your eyes off the other person; what they do or don’t do, what they say, how they act and react, and you place the focus on yourself.

This act of self-examination means “I take responsibility for my part in creating difficulties in our home.”

Instead of trying to fix your spouse, look at yourself. Take the log out of your eyes before trying to remove the speck from the other person’s eye (Matthew 7:5).

Question: What other games do you, or other couples play? (Answer with a comment below)

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